During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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