1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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