I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
