Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
