Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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