She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
tell me about the eggs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize