She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
