You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
