I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
