wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
