sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
