how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
