Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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