Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
