I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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