Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
