i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
