I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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