apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize