this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize