I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How external is "for external use only"?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
