Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
