i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize