I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
