i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
