Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
