I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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