Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
