I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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