Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
