6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am midnight drunk by noon
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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