I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
