ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
