so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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