I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
