careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
