i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
