She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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