It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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