Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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