i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
