Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I will be naked everywhere
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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