I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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