I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
