Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Pooping to opera.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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