There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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