just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
