Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
