her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
