On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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