She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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