Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
