I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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