I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
