Buhtt sex?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
