I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Randomize
