Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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