Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
