I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just had sex on a roof
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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