Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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