I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
