I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
