Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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