After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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