He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
