I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
