turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
how does that bad decision feel?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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