Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Green mimosas i think yes
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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