and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
